Christmas Eve on the Plaza

Last Christmas when Yasha was here we went to dinner on the plaza and came out to a winter wonderland...I thought that time could not be beat. However, we topped last year. We went to church and then headed to the plaza again. This time I made reservations at the Hibachi Grill. I thought the boys would enjoy watching their food prepared by the Japanese Chef...and boy did they! They both thought it was way cool! Here is a photo of the Chef popping a shrimp for Yasha (yes he did catch it!) -- notice Alek's face in the background (priceless!). At the end of the meal, Yasha said to Scott, "I will never forget this night!" Wow, now that is priceless...made my heart melt.
After dinner, we planned to drive the plaza to look at the lights, but we passed lots of carriages and the boys asked if we could ride in one. Even though we were relegated to the Cinderella carriage (the only one without an hour wait), the boys were amazed and in awe of the ride and the lights. It was a very special evening.

Happy Halloween!

Alek changed his mind about 3-4 times before finally deciding that he would be a knight for halloween. We went with a group of other kids and had so much fun. I was a Missouri Tiger! :o)With good buddy Jose, partners in crime!

2010 Balloon Fiesta

Well just 1 day after selling our home, we flew to Albuquerque for a trip planned long ago. It actually was good to get away from the boxes and junk in our apartment, which I have NO IDEA where it will go! We had a great time riding the tram to the top of Sandia Peak and then getting up early the next morning to see the mass ascention of the balloons! What an incredible sight!

On top of Sandia Peak

Mass Ascention

Mom, Alek and Me

Surprise, Happy Birthday Dad!

Scott's birthday always falls on Labor Day weekend which is nice for combining it with a last summer trip. This year Alek and I surprised Scott and took him to the Lake of the Ozarks for a mini-getaway vacation. I told Alek what we were doing and I was so proud that he kept the surprise! We rented a little condo and a boat and had a blast. Our pontoon boat had seen better days, but we had fun anyway. For those of you who have never been to the Lake of the Ozarks, on Labor Day weekend the waves on the lake are literally white caps. I had never seen it so choppy before. At one point while out on the boat we hit a HUGE wave just right and the entire wave came over our boat like a tidal wave. We all had a good laugh on that one!

What would a trip to the lake be without riding go-karts? Alek's first time!

Hello Kindergarten!

Alek was so excited to go to school today! Scott took off work and we both took him to school at 12:15 since he is in the afternoon kindergarten program. We dropped him off and then went to lunch together to do some reminiscing. We had fun thinking about the 2 1/2 short years that Alek has been in our familyand how quickly they have gone. I know the next years will go by quickly too. Here are some photos from his first big school day. When I asked him if he liked kindergarten he said, "I LOVE school, I LOVE my teacher!" And he has said this same sentence to us every day since he started. That makes us SO happy!!

Goodbye Rainbow Room

All summer long Alek has been telling me that he doesn't want to go to kindergarten, "I want to go back to the Rainbow Room" he would tell me often. Because he went to preschool at our church, we would "visit" the Rainbow Room weekly. He would look at the walls and touch the toys--I could see in his face the memories he was recalling. But something happened over this weekend that has changed his perspective and I can only attribute it to God readying Alek for his next step in his life journey, kindergarten. We went to the back-to-school carnival yesterday and Alek was like a different little boy. He was so independent and wanted to do everything by himself, including asking me to go away because he wanted to stand in line by himself to get his face painted and asking Scott for money so he could go buy himself an ice cream cone.

Here is a photo with the Batman face painting he chose "all by himself!"

Today at church, all of this independence culminated in him telling me that he wanted to go to say goodbye to the Rainbow Room. We walked back to the long hallway, but he again told me that this was something he wanted to do all by himself. I waited and when he came back, I asked him how it went and he said, "The door was locked, but I looked in the window and said goodbye anyway." How appropriate as Kindergarten starts tomorrow.

Mama, PLEASE Promise You Won't Cry...

We made the familiar trek to Atlanta to let Yasha go--again. Even though it's familiar, it's not easy. This time we flew down a day in advance so that Yasha could visit his best buddy who was adopted this spring by a family in Atlanta from the same orphanage that Yasha is from. It was really cool to see how the boys had become Americanized (for good or bad) and how they traded off speaking English and Russian, often completing each other's sentences in one or both languages! They both have come so far and it was fun for us to catch up with Jason's mom and dad who have now become our good friends too...a real blessing for us having someone who has paved the adoption path ahead of us. Here is a photo of the best buddies!

Next we went to visit our friends Charlie and Rhonda and they were wonderful, welcoming Yasha with open arms and love...just as if he had always been a part of our family. Special friends will do things like that, which means more than they'll ever know! Here is a photo on their front steps as we were heading to the airport.

Finally, here are some goodbye photos from the airport. I really can't describe all the emotions that go on during this time of parting, but it is difficult on us all. After the weeping we all did at the Christmas goodbye, Yasha was determined that he was not going to cry, but he phrased it as, "Mama, PLEASE promise me you won't cry." He told me this on no less than 10 different times during the course of waiting for him to leave and each time I said that it was something that I couldn't promise. Finally, as I saw how important it was to him that he not cry in front of some of his classmates that were there, I broke down and said, "Ok, son, I promise." Then I prayed fervently that God would allow me to honor that promise. Since Scott had already left a few minutes earlier on a flight to Denver (and BTW cried his eyes out), Yasha thought he was home free now that I had made my promise. As they called his name I was brave and Yasha was brave, Alek was brave too for a second, but then let out the most heartfelt cries and grabbed onto Yasha and wouldn't let him go. I had to peel Alek off all the while trying to keep myself together and help Yasha get free. He said his goodbye's before the security gate, but never looked back. A good thing...since a tear slipped out just as he was walking through the gate to leave.

Making Memories

We have a lot of catching up to do with Yasha. It is so tempting to want him to experience EVERYTHING he has missed, but the truth is, just going fishing and swimming is a big treat! I hope we are making some good memories for him and I pray that good memories will quickly outnumber any bad memories he has had in his childhood. Here is a photo of the first fish of the summer (and yes, I had to unhook it again, but not before teaching Yasha how to do it himself so that I didn't have to!).

Another fond memory today happened as we came home from the pool. I heard a familiar noise outside. NOTHING says summer to me like the sound of the ice cream truck coming down the street. Neither Alek nor Yasha had ever gotten an ice cream from the ice cream truck before, so when I heard the music I called the boys and told them to run outside to flag down the truck. Neither one of them knew what was going on or what the truck contained, but when I explained there was ice cream inside, they jumped for joy. And what did they choose? As if I couldn't have guessed--Yasha chose a Batman ice cream and Alek chose Tweety Bird!!!

Under One Roof

On Friday (6/25) Scott flew to Atlanta to pick up Yasha. Alek and I stayed home, spent some last quality time together, watched "Babe" the movie, and then he went to sleep knowing that when he woke up on Saturday morning, Yasha would be in the room next door. After several hours of delays, Scott and Yasha walked in the door at 1:00am Sat morning. It was a sweet reunion -- big hugs and kisses. He walked around the house looking at all the photos I had put up of him and our family. Then we went up to his room and he started looking at all his things, opening the drawers and checking everything out. I had resisted the urge to "re-organize" everthing in the drawers (they were a disaster really!)---But, I left everything exactly as he left it. I think that was somewhat comforting to him. At about 2:00am Scott and I kissed him goodnight....however, Yasha spent all night just looking through the stuff in his room. At 5:00am I turned on a movie for him and when it was over, He got to wake Alek up. It was so cute. I love the first couple of days that Yasha is home, the boys are both angels and play so well together!!! I felt nothing but contentment and peace this morning as our whole family is under one roof again.
We kept Yasha up all day on Saturday, had his birthday party at the T-Rex cafe. He was kind of in a daze! He FELL into bed at 6:30pm!! Here are some photos. You might notice that Yasha has grown about 5 inches or so since Christmas!!! He is now 5'0" and 93 pounds...he is going to pass me up for sure!!

Chains of Love - Only 3 More!

For the last few weeks, Alek has been so excited for Yasha to get here. He could sense that the time was getting close. When we got back from Africa, we decided to make a paper chain and take off a link each day to show him when Yasha would come for the summer. Last night when I checked on Alek in bed, I saw something so sweet...Alek had taken the chain off the hook in his room and was sleeping with it. It was a precious site. Then this morning, he woke me up by tapping me on the shoulder and putting the chain in my hand and tearing off one of the links -- only 3 more!

As much as Scott and I miss Yasha, Alek seems to miss him the most. He was made to be a little brother.

I was reflecting on this as I gazed upon the photo of our two boys that we had taken at Christmas. I wrote a piece for the photographer explaining how important the photos are in conveying a sense of belonging to both Yasha and Alek. The photographer published it as a marketing piece and used it in an art show where she featured this photo of the boys.

Here is what I wrote:

God has formed our family through adoption. That He has deposited love in our hearts for these two boys who were once strangers to us, is nothing short of a miracle. Alek, our youngest, came first to our family from Russia at the age of 2. Yasha, 10, came to us from Ukraine through a program called New Horizons for Children that brings orphans to the U.S. While adopting out of birth order is sometimes discouraged, we have always felt that Alek was made to be a little brother -- and we believe that Cedar Creek Photography catured his innocence in their photos. Likewise, as you can see in the portraits, Yasha has stepped lovingly into the big-brother role. For kids who have experience a lack of security in life, we believe it is important to show our sons through family photos that they will be included in our family forever. The photos captured how our relatonship has tranformed from strangers into a real family. We will always treasure these pohotos, remembering how our family first began.

When people say to us that they look like they are "real" brothers, our response to that is "They are!!" That is the miracle of adoption...God loves us this way.

Prayers for Yasha

We continue to wait for Yasha to return for a visit this summer and every week we don't get to talk to him, it gets harder and harder. After our Christmas visit and he went back to Ukraine, we were encouraged for about a month to get to talk to him on Skype. Lately, however, we have not been able to make it work and we miss him more than you can imagine. We long to give him a hug and kiss, say prayers with him at bed time, and just hear his laugh. He is such a joy to be around. He has that kind of magnetic personality that attracts you to him.

I can't even count the number of people who have asked if the situation with the woman in Tennessee (the one who put her child on a plane back to Russia) will have an impact on our adoption of Yasha...and the truth is, we don't know. We really don't have a reason to think it would, but there is just no way of knowing what will be the case when we finally go to Ukraine and have our court date and bring Yasha home for good. Meanwhile, everyone who has asked about this incident has mentioned that when they heard about it, they thought of us and immediately prayed for Yasha. God sure does have a funny way of soliciting prayers on behalf of one of His children -- I know Yasha is one of them.

We Survived Chuck E. Cheese Bday Party!!!!

I feel like I need a T-shirt that has this sentiment! After 9 boys ate pizza, played video games, ate cake, drank gallons of lemonade and watched Alek open all his presents, I can honestly say that the whole experience was a lot better than I expected it would be!!! :o) Most of my joy came from watching Alek and the other boys enjoy themselves. But I also got to visit with the moms and have a deeper conversation than just what our kids did at school that day.

Alek is now 5 years old. Hard to believe, but as you probably already know, time does fly by. I was so glad that most of the other moms showed up...along with my sweet friend who no longer has small kids...they helped the rookie mom (me) throw my first birthday party. Speaking of first birthday parties, one of the moms told me the next day that her son insisted that Alek was 1 yr old on his birthday. Alek had told everyone at school that this was his first birthday party and so his friend assumed he was 1! Too funny.

I am sure most kids have had multiple parties by the time they are 5, but we have intentionally kept things a little more low key with Alek since bringing him home. At first were following wise advice from those who had adopted children from orphanages -- it was hard to resist buying him everything in sight and trying to "catch him up" on every experience he had missed out on, but now I am glad have taken it slow. We all seem to appreciate the special memories we are creating on our pace...maybe it's just that WE are getting old!!!

In any case, Alek really enjoyed his special day. And thankfully, we did too.

Alek and Daddy at home...repeat party + spaghetti and meatballs...yum!

New Family Photos!

Many of you have asked if we get to talk to Yasha while he is back in Ukraine. And the answer to that was no -- until today! My friend Irina, who is a native Russian, is adopting one of Yasha's friends from the same orphanage. Because she can speak the language, she has often called the orphanage over the last 6months and kindly kept me up-to-speed on Yasha and what he has been doing. Last week, she called and said that the orphanage director wanted to make out a schedule whereby the kids could come to her office and talk on her video computer through skype to their American families. This was a kind gesture on her part, but was also probably a necessity as 35 kids visited the U.S.A. for Christmas just from his orphanage and most all want to keep up with their families. So, we were one of the first this week. It was so special to get to talk to and "see" Yasha on video. At first I wasn't sure it was going to happen. Scott rearranged his schedule to be home at 8:00am this morning. We called and called with no connection from about 8:00 - 8:10am. We then decided to pray (I know, novel idea!)...anyway, we tried one more time and it worked!! Praise God!!!

We chatted for a while and then I showed him copies of the photos that we had taken with him the week before he left. He just smiled and smiled as he looked at the pictures. We had Cedar Creek Photography take them again and they turned out beautifully. I just wanted to show a few of my favorites...it is so hard to choose!

This last one is a keeper for sure!!! :o)

Going Away Party

The weekend before Yasha left we had a going away party for him. I actually didn't know quite how special it would be for him when I planned it kind of at the last minute. But, as we were preparing for the party, I told him I had to go pick up the cake -- he said, "A cake? For me??" He was so excited by a cake...I considered that it was probably the first time he had ever had a cake, or a party for that matter. When I bought some party favor bags for the kids, Yasha wanted to carefully pack them himself with the few small treats I had bought. He was so concerned that everyone would like what was inside them. He was all sorts of excited that afternoon as he anxiously awaited 4pm when the guests would be arriving.

We did have a wonderful time. Here is a picture of the cake (the letters on the top spell Yasha in Russian and the Blue and Yellow rectangles form the Ukrainian flag). He was so proud of his cake and even carefully cut it himself. It's easy to think these things are small, but I believe to him they are HUGE, so I don't want to dismiss or belittle them.

Finally, I just HAD to post a copy of this video of the kids dancing. It is mostly the "Yasha Show" but notice Emily, the 2 year old too...she definitely has some moves!!! From it you will get an idea why we are missing Yasha so much -- he is just always front and center.

Lonely

It is hard to describe my emotions, but lonely is a good word. Alek used it yesterday to describe how he was feeling. Usually after he gets home from school, he goes to his room for some quiet time and he knows that means that he is to stay in his room and find something quiet to do until I come get him after about an hour. However, when I walked upstairs 10 minutes later, Alek was in the hall outside of Yasha's room. I started into my usual, "Oh no buddy, a consequence has to happen because..." I stopped myself and looked at him. He looked very sad. I said, "What's wrong Alek?" He said, "I am just lonely." I picked him up and he started to cry real, sad, boo-hoo tears. I asked him if he missed Yasha and he said yes. He wanted to know why Yasha had to go back to Ukraine and I tried to explain it to him for the 20th time. I could tell he needed some TLC, so we popped some popcorn and watched "Milo and Otis" while curled up on the couch...Alek is definitely my cuddle bug.

It was the best visit with Yasha this Christmas. I can't think of one thing I would do differently or change. We made so many good memories (and we have a lot of catching up to do!). It is truly amazing how God can plant such deep love in my heart for a child who was a stranger 6 months ago. It's as if he has been in our family from the beginning! It is a miracle. Because he is a boisterous, funny, outgoing and talkative boy, his presence is sure missed in our home. We love and miss you Yasha!

This is a photo of Alek in Yasha's bed. Every morning, Alek would go to Yasha's room and climb in bed with him. He would do this quite a bit at quiet time too...no wonder he is missing his brother. Off to the post office now to send Yasha a package!

Home bitterSweet Home

We are home, but unfortunately, without our Yasha which makes coming home a little bittersweet. We all left for Atlanta on Weds morning, Jan 13. When we got to Atlanta, Scott had to say goodbye to us and fly on down to Orlando for a conference. That left me and the boys to spend the day and evening in Atlanta. We decided to check out the Aquarium in the afternoon and then we went back to our hotel, ordered roomservice, and watched a movie in our PJs in bed, one of my favorite things to do in a hotel!

We spent the majority of the morning at the airport, waiting for Yasha's flight to take off. We said our goodbyes and gave hugs/kisses a lot during this time because I knew from this summer, once the kids all come back together at the airport, they get so excited to see one another, they are off and about talking and showing each other things...I can see it is fun for Yasha to talk his native Russian too with all of his friends. Here is a photo with Vasili, one of his friends who will be adopted by a family in Atlanta.

Once we head toward security, we know it is about time to "let go." It's hard to describe, but what New Horizon's does is calls the children one-by-one forward to stand in a group separated from the host parents, so that they can make sure they have all the children before they proceed to security. This was PAINFULL this time for me and Alek, because once Yasha's name was called he walked to the gathering area (which was only about 15 feet away from me), he started crying uncontrollably. Alek chimed in on my shoulder and I can't comfort either one of them. I can't go to Yasha, but can see him as he is crying and blowing me kisses every 15 seconds. It was awful and good all at the same time. I could see how much he really cares for and loves us. I could see how Alek really cares for and loves his new brother...it was a good, but unsettling few minutes, but I could sense that God is really working on all our hearts to knit them and attach them together.

After Yasha got through security, Alek and I headed to our plane to meet Scott in Orlando for a few days. It was a brilliant plan by Scott for some diversion after Yasha left. We managed to make it to Walt Disney World for 1 day and here are a couple of pictures:

My Family -- BIG Family

After Christmas, we visited my family in Phoenix -- all 26 of us!! It was really fun to see everyone and have Yasha interact with them. The first night he was a little reserved (can't blame him as it was a little intimidating to walk into our family)!! But, by the second day he had found a best friend in my niece Alison. He rarely left her side that second day we were together. Here is a photo of them. Then he found out that my other niece, Lindsey, can speak Russian and he latched on to her too! This progressed by the 3rd night in wanting attention from all of my beautiful nieces! Anyway, everyone made him feel very welcome and loved. We even managed to take a family photo (which we haven't done in probably 15 years) and it turned out really well. Here is my BIG family!

Feelings, Nothing More than Feelings

As you can tell from my last post, I have been a little worried about Yasha's feelings about the adoption. While he is doing quite well communicating to us in English and us to him in the little Russian we know, feelings are very hard to communicate and understand in another language.

After speaking with a Rep from his orphanage yesterday, I am now convinced that what Yasha is feeling is nothing but normal emotions from a child who has never had an adult in his life that he can fully trust. Apprarently, putting up "walls" (like saying he is not sure he wants to come to America) is a typical reaction to our declaration of commitment to him. She assured me that kids do this to protect themselves from any disappointment they think we might cause -- they really can't believe someone wants them. So then in his mind, if the adoption doesn't happen, he will be able to say, "I didn't really want to do it anyway." The Rep also spoke with Yasha...she knows him quite well and asked him many times whether he was certain he wanted to come to America and he said yes, multiple times. So, I will not worry. I will not let the emotions of my 10-year old rule our firm belief that coming to our family is God's will for Yasha.
I titled my blog after an old song -- Yasha sang the line this morning as he walked out the door this morning and I just cracked up laughing! He found an old music box in the basement that I had in the garage sale pile that plays "Feelings, Nothing More than Feelings" and he fell in love with it. He is taking it back to Ukraine to give to his favorite teacher.

Be Still

Last night after reading a story and saying prayers with Yasha, he was still very wound up...something I have learned to expect from him...still wanting to wrestle, begging to be tickled, to get out of bed, to giggle, etc. After a long day, it is exhausting and I just want to say "STOP! I am DONE!" But, alas, as God gives me His eyes, I have come to understand that this is a very sweet time when Yasha especially wants to connect with us. So after Scott delivers the 3rd round of tickles, Yasha is somewhat satisfied, but remains a bit restless.

I sense the need to stay in his room a while longer. I turn off the lights and ask him to "be still." He asks "What is this 'still?'" I explain that still is like being calm, quiet; "spah-coin-ah" in Russian. He understands and settles down a bit. I tell him that God speaks to us when we are still. He looks at me perplexed...the look he gives me every time I mention God in a personal way...that God cares about what we are doing every moment because He loves us that much. I love it when Yasha looks at me that way. I know it means that God is speaking to his heart, that our Spirits are somehow connecting in a way that I can't explain with words.

I got tears in my eyes and I said, "You know Yasha, if you ask God to help you make the decision whether to live in America forever or stay in Ukraine, God will make it clear what is the right thing to do. Do you understand?" He nods his head. I barely get this last part out without welling up with tears...you see, Yasha has expressed confusion to us in the last few days about whether he can leave his country, his culture, his homeland, his language, and yes, his family in Ukraine to come here. I have no doubt that he loves us very much, but this is a big decision for a 10 year old. I understand this, but it still cuts my heart like a knife. I am SO thankful for his honesty and really, it says so much to me about how much he is beginning to trust us...wow. Having this knowledge, I can begin to pray that God will bring clarity to his heart, soul and mind and that we will love him through his decision. Will you pray with us? This is probably all I will write about this because it is so personal and we want to give Yasha time and love while he searches for clarity. I trust that God will lead Yasha to where His purposes can be filled for his life and I have assured Yasha that no matter where he is, he will always be a part of our family. My heart still hurts, but God gave me a "hug" today and let me know that He sees my hurt -- the verse we studied at church today was Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."